4 R-Rated Comic Book Movies That Should Happen (Thanks to Deadpool)
*We're talking R-rated movies, this could get a little NSFW*
Hollywood loves copying a good idea. It's like coming up with a new idea, but easier and safer. Whether it's animated movies having the exact same plot, in the exact same year (don't worry, that article is coming), or the fact that a Fast and Furious cinematic universe is a near-reality, imitation is the sincerest form of pandering. So if everybody wants to copy Deadpool (they do) they'll need an R rated comic book. These are listed in descending order of craziness, so trust me, stick around for the end.
1. Moon Knight
This is the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) entry. Why is it the safest bet? It's in the MCU. Duh. So who the heck is Moon Knight, does he save the day by flashing his posterior at foes? Sadly, no. Thankfully, Moon Knight's story is still crazy. Moon Knight is a jewish boxer, turned mercenary (because apparently those are the only jobs in Marvel comics) who is tasked by an Egyptian moon god to punish the wicked. Or maybe he's just schizophrenic. No powers, just a big stick and some sharp crescent blades that he uses to stain his snow-white costume. Unlike Deadpool, Moon Knight wants them to see the blood.
As the MCU has a no-no policy with the F word, and a strict no genitals policy, it's hard to understand why this would have to be R-rated. Moon Knight is basically Batman with even more mental problems, what's the big deal? Remember that Egyptian moon god? It's also a blood god. And Moon Knight's greatest moments come when he indulges the ancient voices in his head. He brands all of his criminals with a crescent on their forehead, Inglorious Bastards style, and straight up chops off someone's face.
The MCU generally strays from heroes playing Jack-o-Lantern with people's faces, but their Netflix shows have been inching into steadily darker territory, and to universal acclaim from both fans and critics. Should they ever wish to push some of that into their films, Moon Knight would be a great place to start.
Knowing that an R-rating still feels risky to most studios, Moon Knight's non-existent level of powers could keep the budget down. Which is a good thing for the movie as well. Moon Knight should be a gritty-grimy psycho thriller, with a psycho protagonist. Michael Davis, director of 2007's criminally underrated Shoot 'em Up, would be able to create some stellar action sequences, in addition to capturing the gruffness of Marvel's Knight in bloody spandex. That or Edgar Wright.
2. Lobo
*Disclaimer, I'm never using the term "DC Comics". I know it's official, I don't care. DC comics is Detective Comics Comics. That's dumb.*
Lobo is in many ways the DC equivalent of Marvel's Deadpool. He started off as a parody of Wolverine (Deadpool was a parody of Deathstroke), he's a mercenary (because of course he is), has a bit of a language problem, and was hugely popular in the 90s. But he's actually, potentially, maybe crazier than Deadpool. For starters, he rides around on a chopper. In space. On a space chopper. It's great.
In the emerging DC Extended Universe (DCEU), it appears we're having a gritty esthetic throughout the whole thing. (SIDE NOTE: For a fun drinking game, take a drink every time someone says "gritty" in relation to DC movies (SIDE SIDE NOTE: Don't. You'll die.)) Actually, the DCEU looks a lot like the DC landscape of the 90s, that Deadpool started parodying. Aesthetically, Lobo matches the gritty (shot) look of the DCEU, but tonally would be closer to a Grindhouse movie.
Speaking of Grindhouse, how about grabbing Robert Rodriguez for the Lobo movie? Rodriguez has a proven track record with silly, over-the-top violence, and is famously adept at keeping the budgets down, a must for these R-rated types. Allegedly, Machete Kills Again...In Space is still happening, but I'm going out on a limb and saying it's not. If Robert stills wants to scratch that itch, the good folks at the DCEU should pick him up immediately. Edgar Wright would also be a fantastic choice.
This could also piggyback, or give a piggyback to, the Green Lantern element of the DCEU. Green Lantern tanked for a few reasons, the biggest being that nobody really cared about Green Lantern. But looking at DCEU's upcoming slate, they're going to try try again in 2020. In the same way Deadpool has boosted Colossus, Lobo could boost Hal Jordan. Or John Stewart. Or the squirrel Green Lantern. Yes, there's a squirrel Green Lantern. Remember that when Batman and Superman are having a frowning competition next month.
3. Sex Criminals
First off, this isn't about what it sounds. There are actually no sex crimes committed in the entire run (so far). Rather it's about two people that freeze time when they *clears throat* bang their drums. They use this power to rob banks, until they're stopped by fellow.... drummers, who use their powers to stop morally questionable drummers. Drummers is code for orgasmic time-lords, if you weren't following.
It sounds like a cheeky porno plot, I know, but Matt Fraction's stellar writing and Chip Zdarsky pop-art visual style elevate it to legitimate levels. Don't get me wrong, there's gratuitous amounts of sex and nudity, but it's all done so playfully it feels more like Mad magazine than Playboy. A movie version could help decriminalize the idea of sex on screen, and put to bed American cinema's fear of going to bed.
So much of Matt's writing style would translate to film. The fourth wall doesn't exist within the universe, with characters constantly taking turns narrating, jumping in front of the frame or complaining about copyright issues. Another strong selling point, the whole thing's pretty low budget. Ten million should more than cover the cost, release it in Deadpool's early February window that's so into sex and comics, and you've got a hit.
As far as capturing Chip's colorful and kinetic illustrations, you'd need a director who keeps things bright and doesn't drop momentum. Joseph Kahn would be a good choice. Most people have probably seen something he's directed, but it varies depending on your personal taste. If you like Taylor Swift, he directed the star-studded Bad Blood video. If you don't, he directed Power/Rangers, the R-rated, copyright violating wonder that took the internet by storm. Or you could just get Edgar Wright.
Admittedly, the name probably won't sell tickets, at least not to the right audience. So first things first they should change that. As porn parody titles are already a running gag within the novel, my suggestion would be to parody the "naming issues" of Edge of Tomorrow, a film based off the graphic novel All You Need is Kill, that was renamed Live, Die, Repeat for it's Blu-ray release. All You Need is Bang; Screw, Steal, Repeat, or Edge of.... well you get the idea.
4. Saga
Saga is... way to complicated to summarize. The Big Bang Theory described it as "the one with breast feeding on the cover". I would say it's more like The Wire had a baby with Star Trek. It's an intellectual, diverse, brain-bending, epic filled with social commentary, and beautiful art work. But yes, Big Bang Theory, there are also boobies.
The boobies aren't the complication for a Saga movie, it's more likely the complexity of the source material. Selling the violence of Moon Knight, the craziness of Lobo, or the sexual elements of Sex Criminal's are a cakewalk compared to selling a politically dynamic film for adults. But that's why it's the most important.
Deadpool has started building a bridge towards an adult-oriented comic book movie. That said, it's not the "adult" comic book movie it's being praised as. I'm not underselling the emotional elements of the movie, which I believe are more instrumental in it's quality than people realize, but it's very much carried by dirty jokes, and gratuitous violence. Truly, I love both of those things.
But a Saga movie made correctly could be- I'm not exaggerating- an Oscar contender. It wouldn't win, or even get nominated, but it would piss everyone off that it wasn't. Author Brian K. Vaughn has built a universe that is incredibly fantastic, but it's the characters and events are all anchored in our own. Obviously, the only acceptable director for a movie of this quality would be Edgar Wright. I would also accept Edgar Wright.
