10 Things I Love About Batman v. Superman
*SPOILERS FOR THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE*
The past two articles have been a little negative towards Batman v. Superman, and that's unfair. It wasn't a complete disaster of a movie. There were a lot of things about the movie I really enjoyed, and even the harshest critics of the movie can't say it wasn't without some merit. So to compensate for the overwhelming negativity on both my blog and others like it, I'm going to do my longest list EVER. Here are 10 Things I Love About Batman v. Superman.
1. Batman Fights Superman!
Oh my god, you guys. Batman fought Superman. And it... was... AWESOME. The fight totally captured the differences in the characters and was expertly choreographed. Batman pulls everything out of that utility belt, and Superman uses virtually every power in his arsenal (except frost breath and the ability to shoot tiny Supermen out of his finger, like a gun. That's real, look it up). The best part about it, is the fight builds throughout the whole movie. Every scene with Batman or Superman contrasts their ideologies, leading up to an explosive climactic debate...
Wait... Superman fought Batman at the end because Lex kidnapped his mom. All that set-up was basically thrown away, and replaced by a hostage situation. And then Batman saves Superman's mom instead of Superman saving his own mother. Where's the emotional satisfaction in that? Superman literally never confronts Lex after this, he just fights Doomsday... Sorry, gotta stay positive.
Whatever. Not important! Because as a HUGE fan of Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns", I've been PUMPED for this movie ever since it was announced at Comic Con three years ago with that awesome "...remember my hand on your throat. Remember I'm the man who beat you." quote. Batman basically let's Superman know that he has to be afraid of him, and that he could have killed him. End of fight. It's AWESOME. And that's exactly how the fight ends in the movie...
Wait... Superman just refers to his mom by her first name (already weird, literally nobody does that) then Batman's like "our moms have the same name, we're friends now". That's how it ends in the movie. I mean, there was even a parallel between the "make the god bleed" thing from 300 in the dialogue earlier in the movie, then he makes Superman bleed! Couldn't he have ended it there and said "Remember who made you bleed," instead of "moms are great, right?" Thankfully this isn't the only thing I liked about the movie, otherwise I would have been completely disappointed.
2. Wonder Woman
Ok. This is better. It's so much easier to be excited about the big screen debut of Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot shattered expectations as the most iconic female superhero of all time. Seeing that lasso wrapped around Doomsday was awesome. Just her overall ferocity in that fight was a great interpretation of the character. Then looking at her alter ego, Diana Prince, she was mysterious and strong, everything the Amazonian is supposed to be. Take her out of the movie and it falls apart...
Wait... no it doesn't. The only way she impacts the plot is when she chops off Doomsday's hand. And that just leads to Doomsday having something to stab Superman with. Other than that the only thing she does is steal Batman's computer cloner, which just adds time onto the already 2 1/2 hour movie. Darn it, I have to stay POSITIVE. It's just because I'm a Marvel fan-boy, who was expecting a Marvel movie. This certainly wasn't that.
3. It's NOT a Marvel Movie
Oh good. Don't get me wrong, I like Marvel movies, but I'm glad the DCEU is going a different route. Can you imagine how tedious it would feel if both The Justice League and The Avengers had soldiers in patriotic color schemes, who fought in a World War but some how exist in modern day, are superhumanly skilled fighters, and use unbreakable shields? Wait... NO.
SUPERMAN. Marvel doesn't have a Superman. Heck, even the old Superman movies don't have a character like this Superman. Snyder really plays into the idea of a beefcake sent to Earth from another world by his father, who is so powerful everyone on earth treats him like a god, and who flies around with a bright red cape... oh crap... it's just Thor. But there's no Loki! There's no devious trickster who implicitly hates the "god" character because of his own daddy-issues... LEX LUTHOR COME ON!
At least they didn't rip of the Hulk, a giant green monster who destroys skyscrapers by jumping off of them and gets perpetually stronger the more you fight him. To be fair, that would be expensive. The whole character would have to be CGI. Like Doomsday was. Shoot on a shingle.
There's only one Batman! And this is a Batman we've never seen on screen before. This is a Batman that isn't afraid to kill or use guns. He's an older man who stays mostly in the shadows, wears all black, and at the end of the movie decides he has to bring together a team of superheroes. If you say they're is someone like that in the MCU, I will be furious. Oh, Nick Fury.
But Nick Fury isn't a billionaire! Nick Fury doesn't have epic gadgets he uses to level the playing field while fighting super human enemies. Nick Fury doesn't lament his dead father, and learn life lessons from him. Nick Fury doesn't ever make himself a special suit to fight a specific enemy. That's what Iron man does. DANG Batman is two characters.
4. Ben Affleck is a Great Batman
You know what, I don't care. Ben Affleck took everyone's negativity, and used it as stellar motivation to FINALLY get Batman right. That's no easy task. I can only think of four other people who have managed to do that. Four out of five. Maybe it's an easy task. Oh, I forgot Lego Batman. Five out of six. That's not helping.
I don't care if it's easy! Just because something is easy, doesn't mean it's bad! Affleck's Batman was a dynamic character who started the movie hating/fearing Superman and changed throughout the movie... Ok so he wasn't that dynamic of a character. But static characters can be good! Generally not when they're leading a movie, but still!
That warehouse scene was awesome! Watching Batman absolutely wreck all those henchmen is really a sight to behold. I mean, I think he killed some people. That's not true. I know he killed some people. My second time seeing it, I counted roughly 20 people die by Batman's hand, throughout the film. Which is a major part of what makes "Batman" Batman. Superman kills a lot of people too. What's the ideological conflict they have again? Is Superman just a huge hypocrite? Ugh, what's my next point?
5. Sassy Alfred is Sassy
Really? Alfred's sass is one of my points? So far every good thing I've said about the movie has had twice as many caveats, but we're going to say the movie is good because Alfred is sassy? Isn't there maybe one scene that surprised me?
6. Granny's Peach Tea
Oh, yeah. I liked the Granny's Peach Tea scene. It was one of few things that didn't get spoiled by the trailers, and Holly Hunter does a stellar job of playing someone who figures out 1.) That jar is full of piss, and 2.) I'm going to die. Small detail I noticed the second time, Lex totally kills his assistant too, and is totally indifferent to it. Despite my absolute loathing of every other Lex Luthor related scene, I really liked this one. So I'm saying my favorite Lex Luthor scene is the one he isn't in. Cheese and crackers.
7. Um... I Think I Was Over-Zealous... It was Under 3 Hours...?
Ok, I can't say ten nice things about this movie. The action was good, when there was action, but 75% of the movie is just set-up, either for the action at the end, or The Justice League. Considering the majority of that set-up for itself doesn't actually pay off, most of the huge run-time of the movie feels like a waste.
Look, the movie just wasn't good. You can say that without hating Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman or even Zack Snyder. I'm not saying you can't like Zack Snyder! But blindly praising something because Batman's in it isn't doing any favors to Batman. It's hurting him. I can't say enough how desperate I am for a truly good DC movie, and I think I'm going to get one with Suicide Squad later this summer. That second trailer was really great, using a classic rock song, introducing unfamiliar characters via a correctional officer reading their names, strange looking leads, it kind of reminds me of the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer.... wait, it's just the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer. Don't worry, DC is NOT trying to rip-off Marvel. They're doing their own thing.
8. The Jungle Book Looks AWESOME
We saw a couple nice trailers actually. Suicide Squad, Civil War, and I think they ran two trailers for the Jungle Book. Either that or there's two movies coming out soon about a boy raised in the jungle who has to return to human civilization... wait...
9. Comfortable Seats
As always, movie theater seats are really nice. Good lumbar support.
10. I Didn't Pass a Kidney Stone
Yeah, I have kidney stones right now. That's why I was behind on last weeks articles. Sorry about that, (hopefully) it won't happen again. But take solace in this, people who hate me because they love DC, I will be in excruciating pain sometime in the coming weeks. So that's nice.
